Ted Explains the Allure of the Paper Shredder

As I mentioned last time, our boy Ted the Cat has become quite the wandering feline these past several months.  You never know where he’ll show up.  Not that our house is so big to begin with, but Ted’s amazing us with his ability, in his–ahem!–mature years to find new things to get into, new mischief to make, and new ways to suddenly get underfoot–preferably when the lights are out and the danger of breaking your neck is highest.  “Teddy Bear, you’re an intrepid feline,” I told him the other day, when I happened upon him nosing around the paper shredder.  “Intrepid is generally a good thing.  But perhaps it would be nice if you just hung out on the couch like you used to, you know?”  Later on, I found the following on the monitor upstairs.

aw c’mon mr big try living your frickin’ life
instead of worrying all the time about the risks
climb up on the stove and tempt fate
go into the crawlspace and confront a cricket
wait on the stairs in the dark and see if someone
doesn’t trip over you and break both your necks
a little danger would do you good

i see things from four inches off the floor
a perspective from which the world’s possibilities open up
in ways undreamt of by you safety-seekers whose only thought
is of keeping the magnificent perilous voyage of life
with all its wondrous possibilities and dangers

i say to hell with placid
mine is the way of the old explorers
who thought they might sail off the edge of the world
and said so what?

consider the paper shredder
it is the very embodiment of things i am wired to fear
every instinct i have says flee
those whirring blades that grinding screech
every cell says flee
and that is why i don’t

let me savor experience bigster
(better to fall into a paper shredder than to die bored)
otherwise i might as well
go back to the couch
just like you say
and sleep

One Response to Ted Explains the Allure of the Paper Shredder

  1. Everyone dies but not everyone lives. Ted is determined to live. May he never be bored.

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